the sheer awesomeness of "sense of directions"

Dear blog readers... ,i always wonder how can one be so awesome at things..if we go by the example sachin tendulkar in batting..,.viswanathan anand in chess.., john rambo in rambo .., pamela anderson in being pamela anderson.., and me topping the awesomeness charts asusual....

and then suddenly i just realized there is someone else around me who is a pinnacle at being awesome in something....and that is "the sense of directions"..well here i need to introduce u guys to the one and only bysani S ...... well Sanjay bysani wud be just fine aswell...if you guys are regular followers of my blog then yeah this is the same lil kiddo ..who stuck up a button cell in his nose...as of now we will stick to the topic...after going through this post you people will understand why sanjay had brought a fone with GPS ....

the matter of fact that jayesh (another random fat,mallu,gulf,kiddo) teases sanjay saying "i wont come back to hostel with u if u dont behave yourself" (and amazingly that works)... . The above line tells it all to us.... i always wonder how this guy cant remember the way back from trumart to our hostel (well with four 90 degree turns and may be a quarter mile of walk..even after being n number of times there)..... .If you are in a dilemma which road to take to reach your destination and really have no clue....and when sanjay is with you it just makes your life so easy...the only thing u need to do is ask him "which way now?".. and then just take the other one which he points to...its as simple as that...actually the point is he gets it right 1 out of 100 times.. and the risk factor is so minimal ... it can aswell be overlooked..

logically speaking its inhuman to contradict your own ideas so i guess thats why sanjay cant help himself with his amazing ability of sensing directions..

now when sanjay is equipped with his latest gadget n81* with GPS, i have no fear of him getting lost in the busy streets of chennai or lonely roads of nagpur and yeah more specifically the hostel..(there is an incident about the hostel too.. but then im too lazy to type that here..)

* since GPS system is not available in nagpur right now... so if hes lost somewhere.. sanjay uses meher's helpline (24/7) ...works amazingly fine for him.. as far as i kno :P

a mail from my mail sack

Like Moses, the Dalai Lama, and Dr. Phil, I am often asked to impart my wisdom and advice on those who cannot or will not help themselves. Even though I can't improve myself -- hard to top awesome -- I can help others improve.

Dear ram ,

My girlfriend has been nagging me to express my feelings more but she always does that at inconvenient times like when I'm watching extra time of a soccer match or reading about up-coming video games. I'd love to tell her something so she'll stop nagging me, but I have no idea how to go about "sharing" my emotions,hope you can help me.

Sincereley,

john abraham

----------------------

Dude John,

There are only three appropriate venues for expressing one's emotions. I call them the 3 D's: Dinner, During shopping, Deathbed.

DINNER: Your girlfriend wants you to express your feelings? Fine. Cover her hand with your own, look deep into her eyes, and tell her in a soft voice how you regret not ordering an appetizer. This action is international girl-speak for "I am revealing the secret depths of my soul," so it doesn't have to be about appetizers -- any honest feeling you have about the quality of food or service will have her eating out of your hand.

DURING SHOPPING: Only one benefit of shopping is that there's so much activity in your girl friend's brain(she having a brain is highly unlikely), coordination and inner voice, you can get away with saying almost anything*. Thus, shopping is the ideal time to honestly express doubts about your employability, flirting addiction, or even your long-term relationship potential.

DEATHBED: Since it's really tough to be mad at someone who is about to die, your deathbed is an excellent time to really go bananas with your feelings. Insecurities, infidelities, incisions...anything you've kept hidden over the years can be freely discussed with little fear of retribution. As an added bonus, some girls enjoy a sensitive side and become easily confused when faced with the grim certitude of death...play your cards right and you might be able to make a new girlfrend or two in that deathbed before the buzzer goes off. (NOTE: For all the above reasons, feigning your own terminal illness and deathbed scenario can be a cathartic experience).

*Note: avoid at all costs mentioning how hot her sister looks.

**Unless said sister is your girl friend. In that case, feel free to exaggerate a bit.

happy new year folks

My dear* blog readers wish u all a happy new year and may this new year 09 bring loads of luck,love and money into ur life =)

*conditions apply

prerequisites : a female , between age group 18-22 with attributes hot,beautiful,cute....wel dey r necessary bt not sufficient conditions though..... if u think ur d one....post ur full details in d comment zone ;)

THE PYRAMID OF SCREAMING

HEY STUPID BLOG READERS!!! WHY DON'T YOU READ MY BLOG MORE?!?! Sorry. My professor screamed at me over a few assignments and I had to release some of dt steam. Why didn't I yell at my professor and not at you? Because that would be dumb, idiot. You see, we all learn as children that screaming leads to results, and it's no different in the college. The world was built on the backs of men and women who were yelled at to work harder, and the tradition has been screamed from generation to generation. But you can't just scream at anybody… that would be counter-productive. That's why it's imperative you understand where you stand on the Pyramid of Screaming^TM.

Now what exactly is the Pyramid of Screaming^TM?

The Pyramid of Screaming^TM is a societal gloss that dismisses the parlor tricks of the Chain of Screaming, Scream Ladder and other methodologies and focuses on the golden rule of scream : You can only scream on person beneath you.

To illustrate how it works, here's the scream pyramid of indian cricket team :the BCCI supreme head of cricket in india screams at coach for the loss ...and then coach on captain and captain on vice captain..and den vice captain on team mates and team on the punters ...here the noticable point in hierarchy is this is only one sided never the vice captian screams on the captain and likely but the punter scream at no one hes just lucky to have a job ..

its no different in your life....as exemplified by my own scream pyramid :



Below is a blank Scream Pyramid for you to fill in. If you're not sure where you fit, you can always trick a colleague into screaming at someone and then see where the pieces fall. That's how I figured out I was above the V.P. of Synergy ;) .


IMPORTANT NOTE: If you find yourself at the bottom, don't fret. The beauty of the pyramid is that there's always someone available to be the new foundation. The mess worker, the sleepy-eyed security man, or anyone who doesn't speak English are great places to start.

my first piece of literature " A really awesome book"

At long last I have finished "A really awesome book" --the final authority on acceptable behavior between and among insane humans . "A really awesome book" definitively answers some of mankind's most profound dilemmas like "what happens if I accidentally brush against another my x gf's boy frend?" and "how many pizzas should I order?" and "can I text my girlfriend in class?" This life-saving document is now available both in book stores and online.

Critical Acclaim for "A really awesome book"

"This is the finest piece of literature ever written. Now will you give me my phone back, ram?"
--Bysani S.

"This is by far the most disgusting, disparaging, stomach churning thing I've ever read."
--Moghe C.S

"Finally! A book worth reading!"
--God

"J.K.Rowling's out, ram's in!"
--Henry M. (President-Bloomsbury publications(the publishers of harry potter series))

"F*** off."
--Thorat(dean acads NIT nagpur)

"Out of this world!"
--Alien (creature from another planet)

"I'm sorry what?"
--******* (bulb)

"I have a hundred words for 'snowflake' but only one word for 'A really awesome book,' - awesome!"
--Some Eskimo maybe

"This book makes me want to rethink my career."
--Mark (the dude who wrote the Gospel)

one "she" makes all the difference ;)

when i was in first year of my so called btech in VNIT,i met this kiddo (well was one at that time)....a guy with an everlasting smile on his face....the everlasting is actually apt word....he introduced himself as santosh from banglore...but then his roomie corrected him..."TUKA from banglore"...man i used to cal him tuka but with an obvious doubt in my head.."wtf is TUKA?"well now i kno wt it is ;)...anyways no deviation from the topic...n den..Yeah santu/tuka since i kno him has been a shy and a nerd kind..but then very frendly polite and bad at hindi ...but forget not to mention an awesome volley ball player...and then all f a sudden he developed a strange liking towards the mess food (which is supposed to be slimy,yucky and add all possible disgusting adjectives)...and dude has developed a biiiiiiiiig pot belly.... :P ...well i now clearly understand why compsci. lost in institute gathering's volley ball even though there were female fans to cheer tuka ;) ...dude cud barely jump to block d ball...the lazy sloth whom u wud have seen drooling over the pillow in sleep like few days backs... is now nowhere to be seen in d hostel....hitting the ground n gym early in the morning trying to gain shape or may be n 8 pack(ive seen him downloading some aamir's gahjini posters)....recharging the mobile more than me :O ...kinda shocking..always seen moving fingers on his mobile (feel sorry fr his mobile's keypad)...with a smirk on his face, nt givin a damn wetr its end of world or operating systems class...i had to reveal my secret superman identity(damn it man... X( ..i hate u for making me do that..but since i put frendship ahead of my secret identity i have no regrets...) to save him once from a cycle on the road...such are his commitment levels in typing text messages in the phone ....and then just ask him "tuka who is that gurl ?"...u can c his face blush n go red...much like a cherry (true story..)..the awesomeness in him is quite obvious now a days..listening to romantic songs and watching romantic movies(rab ne... is n xcption)
anyways all i can say about him is....as the words of my title go.....one 'SHE' has made all the difference....... ;)....

wt a movie experience!!!

rab ne bana di jodi...... hmmm guys i wouldnt suggest you to watch this movie unless uve the experience of watching himesh baba's karzzzzzzzzzz(yeah that zzzzzzz extension is very much needed)...You would be wondering what is the relation between an action packed(thats what it was meant to be) karz and a king khan's romantic flick(id better call it tragedy)....the relation is simple...both wil get u bored unless ur a jack ass...himesh makes u ppl cry by singing...well Mr.Khan has achieved d same effect bt here we cry along with him...not knowing why d f*** is he weeping like a 4 year old who stuck up a button cell in his nose(no offence meant sanjay)...i beacame a jackass...along with santosh a jackass*2(well he watched rab ne twice)...the theatre where we watched d movie was exceptional with dolby digital surround sound system....but i still dint get the fact why d hell the actors were muttering words...okay so if we put Mr.Khans weeping aside man anuska sharma was awesomely hot...when i ws trying 2 concentrate on this fact suddenly my mobile starts ringing....damn i frgt 2 sSHhhh it(my slient profile) ...well it ws from airtel..i cut d call...again there ws a call from unknown #no. man dis time it ws d airtel call centre...just gt pissed off and cut in in between..den dad twice...and den again message"hey ram wat doin"..wel dis time i dint feel angry i replied cooly ;)....i ws just one fool thinking exactly how much people remember me when m making ma plans f dating anushka...Im just happy that atleast the heroine was gud...thankfully something to cheer in the movie....well there was also a gud thing in the movie,a trailer of upcoming film "newyork"....looks cool...man m just waiting fr that =) ....