Recently i have been fighting some serious illness...after hours of googling the symptoms i found out it was the most life threatening disease... feelings...,during my courageous battle against Feelings I discovered, in shock, that the medical establishment has done very little research on this crippling affliction. In fact some physicians even went so far as to claim Feelings aren’t even a life-threatening disease! Luckily for you my PhD in Awesomeness has qualified me to assemble this informative medical pamphlet for any of you who fear you may have contracted Feelings.
Keep fighting Feelings.
ARE YOU SUFFERING FROM FEELINGS?
What Are Feelings?
Feelings are a tender emotional state that develop when a male becomes fixated on a single female to the exclusion of others. Even others who look hot.
Early Warning Signs
When you’re around one particular chick, you experience:
•Pounding Heart
•Dry Mouth
•Nausea
•Inability to speak
•Sweating
•Desire to say flattering things
•And hide the fact that you are an owner of a big MNC, airvoice..
If undiagnosed, these warning signs can quickly develop into the full blown disease…
Symptoms
•Warm fluttery feelings in stomach
•Lightheadedness
•Daydreaming
•An unexplained urge to see her or call her
•Sudden decrease in bank balance
•Shooting up mobile bill
•Happiness in her company, sipping roadside tea and swallowing gol gappas(pani puris).
•Failure to notice other hot girls
•Even amnesia at times...(when get hit by the bad guy on your head trying to protect the female from him).
•Having a scar on your head and an obvious 8 pack abs.
•Tattooing random things all over your body.
Transmission
Though correlation remains scientifically inconclusive, studies indicate “hand holding” may play a role in spreading Feelings from one person to another.
Treatment
At this time the only treatment for Feelings is a multi-week course in Other girls. If symptoms persist, repeat course at a higher dosage. NOTE: This treatment can result in harmful side-effects such as rash, infection, and in some cases, female five finger imprint on the face.
paid for by the Harward Medical Foundation
“All the young people of this planet earth unite.. , Together we can eradicate Feelings”
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
QUALITY TIME..!!!!!!!!
fellow jobless blog readers i was actually thinking of what must i be thinking during the time of exams...and while this amazing thought of mine was being processed in my mind machine(powered by microprocessor 8085, other specifications : N/A .. )...anyways when the processing of data was over...,the unique response to the stimuli was "watch a movie"...again there was an interrupt signal sent to my mind machine.."exam tomorrow"..well then i disabled interrupt signals and finally..opened my laptop to have some QUALITY time..which for sure is going to reflect on my sessionals paper tomorrow..leaving me to process the statement "if only i studied for an hour more"..anyways ill let the future me deal with that..so finally with my lappy on, i started DC++(for the unknowns dc++ is the lan tool we use in vnit)...The ultimate warehouse of gyan,entertainment,counterstrike machine's ip's and porn... Anyways....surfing through the unlimited terabytes of use(ful n less)stuff i finally decided to run a minor process on my mind machine....just selected one of a telugu movie from laden(frend's comp) and donwloaded it..since very less amount of decoding is all that is required to understand a telugu movie...
i decided to go ahead..and then in fortyfive minutes of my watching the movie..my processor got hanged zillion times and my system didnt have the cntrl+alt+del facility or either alt+f4 option which i would have loved to use...i deliberately wanted to kill the process..but was motivated by the determination factor..and literally finished the movie by forwarding it and watching in bits and pieces..was really grievous..
Yuck,sickenig, foul, himeshing, nauseating, loathy, repelling, ..man my cache is full to use more adjectives of disgust right now i guess i need to throw up
.....
i decided to go ahead..and then in fortyfive minutes of my watching the movie..my processor got hanged zillion times and my system didnt have the cntrl+alt+del facility or either alt+f4 option which i would have loved to use...i deliberately wanted to kill the process..but was motivated by the determination factor..and literally finished the movie by forwarding it and watching in bits and pieces..was really grievous..
Yuck,sickenig, foul, himeshing, nauseating, loathy, repelling, ..man my cache is full to use more adjectives of disgust right now i guess i need to throw up
.....
Friday, January 23, 2009
the sheer awesomeness of "sense of directions"
Dear blog readers... ,i always wonder how can one be so awesome at things..if we go by the example sachin tendulkar in batting..,.viswanathan anand in chess.., john rambo in rambo .., pamela anderson in being pamela anderson.., and me topping the awesomeness charts asusual....
and then suddenly i just realized there is someone else around me who is a pinnacle at being awesome in something....and that is "the sense of directions"..well here i need to introduce u guys to the one and only bysani S ...... well Sanjay bysani wud be just fine aswell...if you guys are regular followers of my blog then yeah this is the same lil kiddo ..who stuck up a button cell in his nose...as of now we will stick to the topic...after going through this post you people will understand why sanjay had brought a fone with GPS ....
the matter of fact that jayesh (another random fat,mallu,gulf,kiddo) teases sanjay saying "i wont come back to hostel with u if u dont behave yourself" (and amazingly that works)... . The above line tells it all to us.... i always wonder how this guy cant remember the way back from trumart to our hostel (well with four 90 degree turns and may be a quarter mile of walk..even after being n number of times there)..... .If you are in a dilemma which road to take to reach your destination and really have no clue....and when sanjay is with you it just makes your life so easy...the only thing u need to do is ask him "which way now?".. and then just take the other one which he points to...its as simple as that...actually the point is he gets it right 1 out of 100 times.. and the risk factor is so minimal ... it can aswell be overlooked..
logically speaking its inhuman to contradict your own ideas so i guess thats why sanjay cant help himself with his amazing ability of sensing directions..
now when sanjay is equipped with his latest gadget n81* with GPS, i have no fear of him getting lost in the busy streets of chennai or lonely roads of nagpur and yeah more specifically the hostel..(there is an incident about the hostel too.. but then im too lazy to type that here..)
* since GPS system is not available in nagpur right now... so if hes lost somewhere.. sanjay uses meher's helpline (24/7) ...works amazingly fine for him.. as far as i kno :P
and then suddenly i just realized there is someone else around me who is a pinnacle at being awesome in something....and that is "the sense of directions"..well here i need to introduce u guys to the one and only bysani S ...... well Sanjay bysani wud be just fine aswell...if you guys are regular followers of my blog then yeah this is the same lil kiddo ..who stuck up a button cell in his nose...as of now we will stick to the topic...after going through this post you people will understand why sanjay had brought a fone with GPS ....
the matter of fact that jayesh (another random fat,mallu,gulf,kiddo) teases sanjay saying "i wont come back to hostel with u if u dont behave yourself" (and amazingly that works)... . The above line tells it all to us.... i always wonder how this guy cant remember the way back from trumart to our hostel (well with four 90 degree turns and may be a quarter mile of walk..even after being n number of times there)..... .If you are in a dilemma which road to take to reach your destination and really have no clue....and when sanjay is with you it just makes your life so easy...the only thing u need to do is ask him "which way now?".. and then just take the other one which he points to...its as simple as that...actually the point is he gets it right 1 out of 100 times.. and the risk factor is so minimal ... it can aswell be overlooked..
logically speaking its inhuman to contradict your own ideas so i guess thats why sanjay cant help himself with his amazing ability of sensing directions..
now when sanjay is equipped with his latest gadget n81* with GPS, i have no fear of him getting lost in the busy streets of chennai or lonely roads of nagpur and yeah more specifically the hostel..(there is an incident about the hostel too.. but then im too lazy to type that here..)
* since GPS system is not available in nagpur right now... so if hes lost somewhere.. sanjay uses meher's helpline (24/7) ...works amazingly fine for him.. as far as i kno :P
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
a mail from my mail sack
Like Moses, the Dalai Lama, and Dr. Phil, I am often asked to impart my wisdom and advice on those who cannot or will not help themselves. Even though I can't improve myself -- hard to top awesome -- I can help others improve.
Dear ram ,
My girlfriend has been nagging me to express my feelings more but she always does that at inconvenient times like when I'm watching extra time of a soccer match or reading about up-coming video games. I'd love to tell her something so she'll stop nagging me, but I have no idea how to go about "sharing" my emotions,hope you can help me.
Sincereley,
john abraham
----------------------
Dude John,
There are only three appropriate venues for expressing one's emotions. I call them the 3 D's: Dinner, During shopping, Deathbed.
DINNER: Your girlfriend wants you to express your feelings? Fine. Cover her hand with your own, look deep into her eyes, and tell her in a soft voice how you regret not ordering an appetizer. This action is international girl-speak for "I am revealing the secret depths of my soul," so it doesn't have to be about appetizers -- any honest feeling you have about the quality of food or service will have her eating out of your hand.
DURING SHOPPING: Only one benefit of shopping is that there's so much activity in your girl friend's brain(she having a brain is highly unlikely), coordination and inner voice, you can get away with saying almost anything*. Thus, shopping is the ideal time to honestly express doubts about your employability, flirting addiction, or even your long-term relationship potential.
DEATHBED: Since it's really tough to be mad at someone who is about to die, your deathbed is an excellent time to really go bananas with your feelings. Insecurities, infidelities, incisions...anything you've kept hidden over the years can be freely discussed with little fear of retribution. As an added bonus, some girls enjoy a sensitive side and become easily confused when faced with the grim certitude of death...play your cards right and you might be able to make a new girlfrend or two in that deathbed before the buzzer goes off. (NOTE: For all the above reasons, feigning your own terminal illness and deathbed scenario can be a cathartic experience).
*Note: avoid at all costs mentioning how hot her sister looks.
**Unless said sister is your girl friend. In that case, feel free to exaggerate a bit.
Dear ram ,
My girlfriend has been nagging me to express my feelings more but she always does that at inconvenient times like when I'm watching extra time of a soccer match or reading about up-coming video games. I'd love to tell her something so she'll stop nagging me, but I have no idea how to go about "sharing" my emotions,hope you can help me.
Sincereley,
john abraham
----------------------
Dude John,
There are only three appropriate venues for expressing one's emotions. I call them the 3 D's: Dinner, During shopping, Deathbed.
DINNER: Your girlfriend wants you to express your feelings? Fine. Cover her hand with your own, look deep into her eyes, and tell her in a soft voice how you regret not ordering an appetizer. This action is international girl-speak for "I am revealing the secret depths of my soul," so it doesn't have to be about appetizers -- any honest feeling you have about the quality of food or service will have her eating out of your hand.
DURING SHOPPING: Only one benefit of shopping is that there's so much activity in your girl friend's brain(she having a brain is highly unlikely), coordination and inner voice, you can get away with saying almost anything*. Thus, shopping is the ideal time to honestly express doubts about your employability, flirting addiction, or even your long-term relationship potential.
DEATHBED: Since it's really tough to be mad at someone who is about to die, your deathbed is an excellent time to really go bananas with your feelings. Insecurities, infidelities, incisions...anything you've kept hidden over the years can be freely discussed with little fear of retribution. As an added bonus, some girls enjoy a sensitive side and become easily confused when faced with the grim certitude of death...play your cards right and you might be able to make a new girlfrend or two in that deathbed before the buzzer goes off. (NOTE: For all the above reasons, feigning your own terminal illness and deathbed scenario can be a cathartic experience).
*Note: avoid at all costs mentioning how hot her sister looks.
**Unless said sister is your girl friend. In that case, feel free to exaggerate a bit.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
happy new year folks
My dear* blog readers wish u all a happy new year and may this new year 09 bring loads of luck,love and money into ur life =)
*conditions apply
prerequisites : a female , between age group 18-22 with attributes hot,beautiful,cute....wel dey r necessary bt not sufficient conditions though..... if u think ur d one....post ur full details in d comment zone ;)
*conditions apply
prerequisites : a female , between age group 18-22 with attributes hot,beautiful,cute....wel dey r necessary bt not sufficient conditions though..... if u think ur d one....post ur full details in d comment zone ;)
THE PYRAMID OF SCREAMING
HEY STUPID BLOG READERS!!! WHY DON'T YOU READ MY BLOG MORE?!?! Sorry. My professor screamed at me over a few assignments and I had to release some of dt steam. Why didn't I yell at my professor and not at you? Because that would be dumb, idiot. You see, we all learn as children that screaming leads to results, and it's no different in the college. The world was built on the backs of men and women who were yelled at to work harder, and the tradition has been screamed from generation to generation. But you can't just scream at anybody… that would be counter-productive. That's why it's imperative you understand where you stand on the Pyramid of ScreamingTM.
Now what exactly is the Pyramid of ScreamingTM?
The Pyramid of ScreamingTM is a societal gloss that dismisses the parlor tricks of the Chain of Screaming, Scream Ladder and other methodologies and focuses on the golden rule of scream : You can only scream on person beneath you.
To illustrate how it works, here's the scream pyramid of indian cricket team :
the BCCI supreme head of cricket in india screams at coach for the loss ...and then coach on captain and captain on vice captain..and den vice captain on team mates and team on the punters ...here the noticable point in hierarchy is this is only one sided never the vice captian screams on the captain and likely but the punter scream at no one hes just lucky to have a job ..
its no different in your life....as exemplified by my own scream pyramid :
Below is a blank Scream Pyramid for you to fill in. If you're not sure where you fit, you can always trick a colleague into screaming at someone and then see where the pieces fall. That's how I figured out I was above the V.P. of Synergy ;) .
IMPORTANT NOTE: If you find yourself at the bottom, don't fret. The beauty of the pyramid is that there's always someone available to be the new foundation. The mess worker, the sleepy-eyed security man, or anyone who doesn't speak English are great places to start.
Now what exactly is the Pyramid of ScreamingTM?
The Pyramid of ScreamingTM is a societal gloss that dismisses the parlor tricks of the Chain of Screaming, Scream Ladder and other methodologies and focuses on the golden rule of scream : You can only scream on person beneath you.
To illustrate how it works, here's the scream pyramid of indian cricket team :
the BCCI supreme head of cricket in india screams at coach for the loss ...and then coach on captain and captain on vice captain..and den vice captain on team mates and team on the punters ...here the noticable point in hierarchy is this is only one sided never the vice captian screams on the captain and likely but the punter scream at no one hes just lucky to have a job ..its no different in your life....as exemplified by my own scream pyramid :
Below is a blank Scream Pyramid for you to fill in. If you're not sure where you fit, you can always trick a colleague into screaming at someone and then see where the pieces fall. That's how I figured out I was above the V.P. of Synergy ;) .
IMPORTANT NOTE: If you find yourself at the bottom, don't fret. The beauty of the pyramid is that there's always someone available to be the new foundation. The mess worker, the sleepy-eyed security man, or anyone who doesn't speak English are great places to start.
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