heights....

gosh ..... i cant believe my fans...

CounterStrike or GirlFriend !!!

In the merger of freaking worlds of quandary and CS and love and all other crap....i ram a.k.a Biohazard ChoPper || (my CS codename) once again emerge from the blues of headshots i got playing C.S. dust2 to enlighten few dumbass minds who still think gurl friends are best things to happen to you....

lemme tell you 7 best reasons why counter strike out flanks a gurlfrend

1)CS...u can always have the nick name you want...like u see..i am Biohazard choPper || ...but then gurlfrend..damn man...mine calls me ******...wtf(dts kinda embarrsing to tell ya )!!!!

2)gurlfrend = frustration cause.....CS = frustration effect...

3)u can also play Age of Empires when ur bored of CS(which is very rare..)....ahem ahem...in other case u cant even look at the case covers of other games forget the reviews and demos...

4)CS players command respect...where as boyfrends beg for it....

5)Playing CS u spend dummy money.....Playing lovers game u get bankrupted...

6)CS is like fine wine.....the more the time, the better it gets.....and the other case its viceversa...

7)CS allows you smoke/flash/fire/stab/blow up/frag ...... gurlfrend allows you to...ahh..... nothing ...

so basically the mere fact that 98.823% of students prefer playing CS to other activities sums up my post......

divorced n doomed !!!!!!!

Recently when i was home...n coming back from a friend's place one evening i realized that it was my niece's birthday and i hadn't bought her a present.
I rode to the mall and ran to the toy store

the only thing which came into my mind was a barbie doll..her favorite since shes dint even known how to pronounce Barbie..

after some searching and patrolling in the store ..i finally found out the barbie section


I asked the store manager, "How much is that new Barbie in the window?"
The Manager replied, "Which one? We have

'Barbie goes to the gym' for Rs.950,

'Barbie goes to the Disco' for Rs.950,

'Barbie goes shopping' for Rs.950,

'Barbie goes to the beach' for Rs.950,

'Barbie goes to College' for Rs.950 and

'Divorced Barbie' for Rs.3750"

"Why is the Divorced Barbie Rs.3750 when all the others are Rs.950?, i asked.

The store manager replied: "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat, Ken's furniture and all of Ken's savings."

i was dumbstruck.... =( .. poor ken!!!

P.S : Ken is supposed to be the male counterpart of barbie doll

9 Words Women Use

Fine

This is the word women use to end an argument when they think they are right(which happens scarcely ...) and you need to shut up.

Five Minutes

If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

Nothing

This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with Nothing usually end in Fine.

Go Ahead

This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

Loud Sigh

This is not actually a word, but it is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing.
(Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

That’s Okay

This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. “That’s okay” means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

Thanks

A woman is thanking you, do not question it or faint. Just say you’re welcome.

Whatever

Is a women’s way of saying F$%K YOU!

Don’t worry about it, I got it

Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but she is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking “What’s wrong?”

For the woman’s response refer to #3.

smart ass!!

There was once an Indian n a pakistani who lived next door to each other. The Indian owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hens eggs for breakfast.

One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the pakistani's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the pakistani pick up the egg. The Indian ran up to the pakistani and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen.The pakistani disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.

They argued for a while until finally the Indian said "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following message: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up, whomever gets up quicker wins the egg."

The pakistani agreed to this and so the Indian found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the pakistani and kicked as hard as he could in the balls.The pakistani fell to the floor clutching his nuts howling in agony for 40 minutes.

Eventually the pakistani stood up and said "Now it's my turn to kick you."

The indian said "Keep the !@#%#$@#$!@% egg."

tradition for dummies

In my 19-year-old stay in India, I have hosted many foreigners. And on all occasions, I have been tempted to tell stories …ones not true but …ones that make interesting listening. Stories like those narrated to the foreigners by the pan-chewing guides at the gates of Taj Mahal..

As with most things spoken about in this Blog…the tourists are also of two types. There are the tourists from USA and tourists from the other countries. For a not-so-trained eye all would be the same. But for somebody like me…who has spent his life observing people and their backs (in this case back-packs)…there is a major difference between the two.

For the non-US guy…everything Indian is great and is to be appreciated…but for the US tourist everything Indian is to be seen and laughed at from a distance. We might have exceptions on both sides. My apologies if you don’t agree with me.

Here is a bunch of stories I told a very curious and stiff upper lip American tourist I met in Mahabalipuram. I promise I did not start the conversation…

tourist : Hi There! I am Tom Pitt .

me : Hey, I am Ram.

tourist : Nice place this Mahabalpram or whatever you people call it. Back in our country we have stone carvings…but that is on a huge mountain. We call it Mount Rushmore

me : I have heard of it. But I don’t think Mount Rushmore is a traditional site. It doesn’t have the magnetism attached to Mahabalipuram

“What do you mean?” asked the US tourist.

me : I mean, each of these stone carvings in Mahabalipuram depicts a story. But Mount Rushmore is just a mountain, where the busts of four Presidents have been carved out.

" Are you serious? I don’t believe it.” The adamant US tourist burst out.

me : Yes sire. We in India have a story behind everything we do. Unlike your country where everything is driven by logic…and hence is a boring.

tourist : If that is so true pray tell me why the ladies sprinkle water in front of the house everyday? I bet there is no story good enough to justify the hard work, so early in the morning.

I had to think hard. I needed a story that would sound exciting and yet…believable by US standards.

me : You won’t believe this, but hundreds of years back Indians were very peace loving people. They won’t take up arms even against their worst enemies. Because of this non-violence, there emerged another way to express displeasure. Whenever Mr X was upset or angry with Mr Y, Mr X would get up late in the night (around 1-2 a.m.) and walk up to Mr Y’s house…and piss in the front courtyard.

“Ewwww sounds like something..ahhhh wierd....ok so...!!!” The US tourist butted in.

me : Yes. The idea was to let Mr Y know that there was some displeasure over his actions. And over a period of time…everybody was pissing on everybody’s courtyard.

tourist : Must have been quite messy?

me : Yes. But it does feel bad to see your courtyard full piss-marks early in the morning. It is an indicator of the number of people who hate you. Eventually, the ladies in the house decided to sprinkle the whole courtyard with water first thing in the morning...more to cover-up the traces that for anything else. Thus saving some respect for the family.

tourist : “Do you guys still go around pissing in each other’s courtyard?”

me :“Nope we don’t. All that was stopped the moment we took up arms. But the ladies still sprinkle water in front of their houses…early in the morning.”

tourist : “Why?”

I wanted to say, “That’s Indian tradition for you,” but could not, even as I walked away into the sunset.

in mars we trust...dont u kno!! men r from mars

This post has been inspired and prompted by a statement that a friend of mine made that he could write a thesis on the lines that women use to get out of sticky situations.....

She: You see that guy there? I think he’s damn hot!
Me: Yeah? I think he looks gay actually…..Hahaha (seeing her expression now)...errr....ok....ummmm.
She: F*ck off! He’s HOT!!!!
Me: OK…as you say….

after a while

She: What are you looking at?
Me: Nothing, nothing….just that female there at that table…
She: Listen! You’re out with me ok??? Stop looking at other women!!!

I failed completely to understand what the entire “don’t look at other women” thing was about!!!! So, in usual style, I decided that perhaps the best way to unravel this mystery was to ask another woman about it. The answer I got was, well, nothing short of mystifying in its own right!!!

the female started like “See, it’s like, even if we women are out with someone we’re not seeing him or anything, we don’t like it if the guy is looking at someone else. It’s not really like we’re jealous, but well, you know. (I don’t actually – ********). And like, if we’re looking at some guy we find hot, we know that you’ll understand!” Huh????? It went on, by the way. “Like, even if I may have turned down a guy, I would feel really pissed if he spoke about some other woman.” Now, this just was just insane , as I am sure you will understand (unless I am the only guy here that feels a bit hard-done by this mentality of women), and therefore, for the benefit of mankind (pun intended) at large, I have decided to just pen down a few truths. Women, stop reading here, because your dirty, dark secrets are going to be exposed.

I’ve warned you!!!! Now, guys, remember, when a woman does something wrong, or wants something from you that you would not normally (I mean when you’re in your senses) do or give, she uses a few weapons and lines and you’d be well advised to be on your guard when you see or hear these signals.

1. “I was so confused”. This line invariably means she screwed up and wants you to ignore it. It’ll be accompanied with the “Poor me” expression, wide eyes and welling tears….

2. “I…I thought…I thought you’d understand”. This comes with a quavering voice, bitten lip and more welling tears……it means she really really really screwed up and wants you to ignore in the interest of your relationship and your health!!!!

3.“I…I didn’t know…I didn’t know what to do!” This is meant to appeal to your chivalry (and the MCP streak in you) and make you think of her as a “poor, weak woman” and forgive her big goof-up. All the time, she’s laughing her guts out!!!! Oh and yeah, need I mention, this is also accompanied with….yes, tears!!!!

4. “Don’t ask me to choose…..please.” (More wide eyes and sadness reflecting in the tears that are just ready to spill). Yeah, this line is meant to postpone your ultimatum to her…..it’s the time when she makes you accept the state where she’s having the best of both the worlds….you are expected to play the willing martyr….

Now, there are tons more, but those will have to wait for another day…..and are you wondering how I forgot their primary weapon? I didn’t actually….I was just saving their best for my last…. Tears!!!

So, whether it’s the time you caught her cheating, or spying on you, or the time she falsely accused you, or just when she wants attention or whatever, she’s gonna cry. Now, most of us guys know this already, but we’re still scared s*itless when we see tears!!! And these diabolical creatures use this so well to their advantage(personal experience :( )!!!!! So the next time you see her cry, you know you should be on your guard!!!! Now, I must also give you my advice on this. If you’re a sensible guy, (which by reading my blog you prove you are), you will remember these things and nicely choose to completely ignore them when you’re with a woman next……unless you want a broken leg, an arm in a sling and a bleeding nose…..not to mention a broken relationship…..Now, if I receive any more death threats in my comments, I’ll know that you women failed to heed the statement where I asked you to read no further….proving another thing….women don’t listen!!


p.S : this post is taken to be lightly...nothing was meant to offend the species from venus...its all for just plain fun :)